Dear son,I must admit that in writing this letter, I am beset by many doubts. For one thing, you do not yet exist. For another, if there was any hope of me bringing an innocent life into this world, that hope seems to be withering away like a dew kissed rose under a harsh Trump colored sun. But never say never. And so I write this to you in the hope that if you do make it into this world , these words may guide you into manhood. May it serve as light house when the seas of existence make you feel lost and adrift. Son, here’s what you need to know about making it in the world today:

1)Winning is everything. Do not be blindsided by the exhortations of the high minded. They are losers. All their talk about morals and ideals is loser talk. There is no win win. Ever. There are winners and there are losers. Do not be a loser. In anything. Do what ever it takes, break every law, trod on anyone, punch as low as you can. Just don’t ever lose. You may make enemies, but you’ll win. And then you can crush them. Everyone else will soon forget. All they will remember is your victory. Do. Not. Lose.

2)Always stick with your tribe. Whatever that tribe may be. Understand that you are just better than other people. Especially people that look different, talk different and are not of your color. Speaking of which, I’ll do my best to make sure you aren’t “non white”. But I can only do so much. Stay out of the sun. That tan wont help you in the long run. Trust me on this.

3) Science is for losers. I never saw a rich scientist is my life. And neither will you. Why? Because they are losers son. 99% percent of all science is propaganda anyway. Stay away from the bullshit. There are no stupid rich people. A hefty bank balance is all the science you need. Also, pollution comes from China. Remember that.

4) Ignorance is death. But not in the way you think. The worst thing you can do is put yourself in a position wherein you are ignored. Don’t ever stay out of the spotlight for long. Stay relevant. People love a good show. They always will. Being famous will make everything in life so much easier. If you can, get on TV. Doesn’t matter how. Marry a porn star, kick a puppy for no reason, just be recognizable by a lot of people. Being famous will give you power you cannot believe.

5) Winners take what they want, when they want. This includes women. Women are possessions that a real man must claim. Why else would they love being taken care of? Dominance is an aphrodisiac son. Women love winners. And winners never take no for an answer. Remember that when a woman says “No”

6) Do not engage with people with differing views. Know your thoughts are right and have the courage to stand up for your beliefs. Never question where those beliefs come from. That leads to weakness and weakness is for losers. Surround yourself with like minded people and no one else. That is the way of real men.

7) If Muslims still exist, stay away from them. They are crazy and dangerous. Do not forget that your god is the one true god. Let the heathens believe their lies. They’ll get whats coming to em.

8) If you are paying taxes, you are doing it wrong. Every law has a loop hole. The people who made the laws don’t follow any, why should you? Freedom is not just a word son. That being said, there is such a thing as being a criminal. Killing people who don’t deserve it is wrong. So is being poor. That’s right, being poor is a crime. Do not be a criminal.

9) You can get away with anything so long as you don’t get caught. This should be self evident.

And remember, if you fail at everything else, do not despair. You can always be president.



PS: Give the following to your sister:

Dear daughter,

Kill yourself