A typical dictionary definition of the word “Retard” is as follows: Delay or hold back in terms of progress, development, or accomplishment.
Hi! My name is Bharat Joshi and going strictly by that definition, I am severely retarded.
That’s alright though, I’m in good company. There are around 1.2 billion more retarded people like me in this country alone. As I write this, 19 states of India are without power (going by what the news is telling me). That’s approximately 600 million people or about 8% of the entire human species. That number should make you very, very angry. On the other hand, if my usage of the word “retarded” angers you more then congratulations, you have officially crossed over from the merely retarded to the truly brain damaged. And for the record, you are also one of the many reasons why we are in this mess.
In 15 days from now, the supposedly Democratic Secular Republic of India, home to roughly 17% of the human population will celebrate its 65th year of independence. Many retards will rejoice on this occasion. There will be speeches by demagogues. An impressive parade with strapping young men in uniforms marching in perfect order. Military hardware will show off our “strength” to the rest of the global retard population. A tribute will be paid to freedom fighters, people much better than me or you. Honorable and courageous souls that died in the thousands so that we could celebrate this historic day. Kites will fly by the millions. Flags will be unfurled. And a national anthem will be sung in a language that most of our retarded population doesn’t even understand. Oh what spectacle it will be!
By the way, you can bet your bottom rupee that there won’t be any power cuts while this is going on. No, the pimps that rule us (let’s not kid ourselves, they do in fact RULE and not (mis)govern), will make sure of that. Every favor will be called for, every palm greased, every bulging pocket filled and every necessary threat made to make sure we don’t get a power cut on this most momentous day.
But soon the curtain will fall. The streets will be littered with the millions of flags that just moments ago, were being brandished with pride. There will still not be any long term strategy on power. Or sanitation. Or corruption. Or a million other things. Also, five children will continue to die every SECOND because of starvation. Speaking of which, isn’t that dude Anna Hazare still starving himself? But let’s not talk about that. That shit is depressing, besides, there’s the Olympics, the porn stars on reality shows and oh look! A viral video of a teenager being molested! And Oprah! Did you know she was in town not too long ago? Hang on, I think the T20 is about to begin.
Sorry, what we talking about? I forgot. And that’s the whole point.
For you see, we are all, retarded.